So I guess inquiring minds want to know why the break. See that cute little guy up there in the bright orange shirt and blue pants. Yeah that one, he's cute eh? It's a good thing he is cuz he had me in a tizzy last week. I threw a pity party and decided not to blog for a few days because well who wants to hear me moan and grown and whine about that cute little guy up there. I mean really what's to whine about him? He's just too darn cute! Sorry for the gross sheets...I didn't think of that when I took the picture. Anyway...why did I throw a pity party of one in here?
Summer is coming. Yeah so, replies the everyone. Yayyy, replies another. But me I want to hide under the porch for the 74 days of summer. Yes I actually calculated how many days from the last day of school until the day school begins again in September. Pathetic I know. Get with it Laura! Oh yeah so the pity party was from the thought of being stuck in the house for those 74 days with that cute guy up there. You see truth be told he's not always that cute...sometimes he's annoying, and sometimes he's downright a pain in the @$$. But why and how? Well chronologically he's 8 and more than 3/4 years old. However in mind he's more like a 2 year old. That's just so not easy to deal with on a daily basis without the break of sending him to school for 5 hours a day.
So we'll be here the two of us to spend the summer together to annoy the crap out of eachother. Sounds like fun eh? Want to join us?
Oh but what happened to that upbeat post about how summer would be a blast. Ha! That was just me pysching myself up. Now with less than two weeks of school left my underwear are all in a bunch and I just want to curl up in a ball and skip summer all together.
What stresses me out about it is that I have to entertain the little guy for 5 extra hours a day. I have to find things for us to do for all day. I have no help lined up and last year's help they sent wasn't much help at all. So I'm left to fend for myself this summer.
I don't want each day to roll into the next. I want each day to be productive for both of us.
My little pity party came about from feeling overwhelmed of expectations brought on by me and indirectly by those who work with Aaron. I'm racked by guilt at how we interact very little throughout our day. I learned a new term called benign neglect. A parent sees to the child's basic needs however has an attitude of ignoring a situation instead of assuming responsibility for managing or improving it.
My problem is that I don't know what to do with him. I don't know how to interact with him. He's most content watching his movies and playing his video games. He's not like other kids who can run around and enjoy that freedom of going where he wants to go. With his autism it also makes things a little more difficult as he wants to be left alone. He doesn't like to be engaged in doing activities. When I'm anywhere near him all I hear is "Goodbye". Then I'm sad and I go away feeling guilty that perhaps I've created this personality to begin with. I wonder how mothers of toddlers do this all the time.
I've been thinking of taking a lax homeschooling type structure for our summer days. I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone of benign neglect and be proactive in finding a routine that will work for both of us.
Step 1-Remove the tv, vcr and dvd player from the Aaron's room.
He needs to let go of his dependence to the boobtube stimulation and actually learn how to play like a kid.
Step 2-Gather as many ideas of activities as possible.
Any and all thoughts, ideas and tips to get us through those 74 days are greatly welcome!
Step 3-Take time for myself every Friday night.
This may involve 1 or 2 cold alcoholic drinks after Aaron is in bed.
Step 4-Learn to relax, everything's going to be fine.
Yeah right....
I'm planning to buy lots of diet pop and I'm also taking donations of chocolate, preferably dark, to get me through the next two and a half months. I'll gladly send you something in return for your donation.
Speaking of cute little guys...it's time to change the movie!
9 comments:
I think it's really good that you're able to recognize you're feeling this way & figure out a plan of action... You can do it!
I have a confession... I am counting the days until my 2 1/2 year old goes to school in the fall and she doesn't have half the challenges that Aaron does. I am definitely guilty of the benign neglect and it makes me feel terribly guilty. Hang in there. If I had any chocolate, I'd send it along! (Can one send chocolate across the border?)
Oh Laura....whine all you want! You are super mamma extraordinaire! Think of the online whining as free therapy! :) You are one special lady and I know that I could never do one tenth of what you do in a day.
On the flip side....as I teacher,I am counting the days till I am free(8)and then count the days till school is left for a different reason! LOL
I love the vocalization you are doing. Really, I think that writing how one is feeling especially when you are "talking to" a good supportive bunch of friends, well it's like having a roomful of people and saying, Here is what I'm gonna do. And they are all backing you, so to speak. It gets a person motivated. I think you've got great ideas there. And although I am busy, so what, when am I not busy?! Call me whenever you get to that really, really need-to-talk-to-another-grownup-NOW point, or just need to get out for a while. No prob, my friend. We've all been there!!!
love, T
We'll get through it together! Everything's going to be fine! You can whine all you want and we'll be your support group! You will do great, Aaron will be great! You'll see.....everything's going to be alright! Hugs and love, T
Hello !
I have had a pity party a few times in my life too so I know where your coming from, but you can do it ,keep yourself thinking positive,don't forget to ask for help,people do help each other!!
By the way I named you in my tag,something to keep you occupied and everyone gets to know you a bit better!
Take care,
Diane
Pity party any time you need to and I'll bring the balloons and chocolate. You need to take care of you and getting it all out is one way to do that. You'll do better with your son when you do!
oh laura i am so sorry you are having a rough time. really i think so much of you. i could never do everything you do for your little boy. he is so lucky to have you for a mom!!! are there any programs for disabled kids? camps of some sort??
i would say try to get out of the house with him, even if for just a little while, it breaks up the monotony. smooches
Now you are sounding more normal. When I read that post about how much you were looking forward to summer I wanted to know what you were on so I could get some! Summer with special needs kids is hard especially if there is nowhere for them to go.
We are really lucky this year - Gwen will be going to summer school as usual from 8 - 12 but for 6 of those weeks she will also be attending a summer camp for handicapped kids. A bus will take her from school to camp so I will have more time to myself and she will be having a blast.
Now I just have to get over my fear of her riding a bus. Eeek!
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