Day 1: Blogging 31 for 21 ::Michelle::

After committing to the blogging 31 for 21 I asked myself oh dear me oh dear my what ever will I blog about for 31 days??!! My first thought was how about doing a series of interviews with mamas of the blogosphere who have children with special needs. Now this is committment!! I'm most nervous that my questions come off as stupid and or dumb, please excuse me for any ignorance!

I'd like you to meet Michellem she blogs over at BigBlueberry Eyes. She introduced me to this blogging 31 for 21 concept. She is my first interviewee, welcome Michelle!

For my blog readers would you mind telling a little about who you are and how you became a parent of a special needs child?

My name is Michelle, I'm married to Joe, who is in the Air Force. We have two kids, Kayla age 5, and Lucas age 7 months. When I was pregnant with Kayla my AFP results came back as increased risk for having a child with Down syndrome. We declined the amnio and chose to wait until her birth for a definitive diagnosis (and there weren't any markers on the ultrasound). As soon as she was born I could tell that she did indeed have Down syndrome. It took about 1.5 weeks for the blood test to confirm it.

How has having Kayla changed your life?

I have to admit I've pondered this question for awhile and still am not sure if I'll be able to explain myself well! Kayla was my first born so I had no other parenting experience to compare it to...I don't think I've parented her any differently than I would have if she didn't have Down syndrome. I think if my life has been changed at all it is by virtue of becoming a mother, not so much becoming a mother to a child with special needs, but just becoming a mother. Yes I can't imagine my life without her, as seems to be the common answer to this question, but that's not because she has Down syndrome, it's because she's my child. I would say that about my son too. Once you have your child in your life, of course you can't imagine your life without them in it. I don't think I'm necessarily a better person or mother, or more compassionate and accepting either - I'd like to think I've always been compassionate and accepting. I think I'm the same as I would be if she didn't have Down syndrome. What I'm trying to say is I think our life is pretty typical; whether we have a child with special needs or not! There are a few things having Kayla has taught me though. I am more aware of people with disabilities and having Kayla has opened up a new segment of society for me. I would have never met the people I've met if Kayla didn't have Down syndrome...so in that aspect she has "broadened my horizons." I'm learning to become an advocate, to not fit her in a box of society's stereotypes and expectations, and I'm learning to never underestimate her just because she has special needs.

Do you see yourself as part of the parents of special needs children community as a whole or separately defined by Kayla's diagnosis of Downs Syndrome?

Initially I feel like I identify most with the Down syndrome community since we are all dealing with the same diagnosis, but on a larger scale I also feel a part of the special needs community as a whole. We can all understand the acronyms that have become a part of our lives - PT, ST, OT, ECI, IFSP, IEP, NCLB, LRE, etc...

What advice would you give a mother just finding out her child has special needs? I think you have to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling...there isn't any right or wrong way to feel. Some people have no trouble immediately accepting their child's diagnosis, and others need time to grieve and mourn what they feel they've lost...and I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling either way. There isn't a manual on how you're supposed to feel - so allow yourself as much time as you need to sort through your feelings and emotions. But while you're doing that don't forget that your child is your child first and foremost. Don't let their diagnosis identify them, the diagnosis is secondary. Take the time to get to know your child as your child first, then deal with the implications of the diagnosis. Also, as I mentioned above - don't underestimate your child's abilities either - they will continuously surprise you with what they are capable of if just given a chance!

As part of my own Happiness Project I'm looking into what makes other's happy. I put this question to Michelle and she answered with:

There are so many things I could say that make me happy, but I don't want to make this too long, so I'll just list a few!

- When both kids sleep through the night

- The weekends because Joe lets me sleep in

- When Kayla gives Lucas a spontaneous hug and kiss then says, "love you too!"

- Picking Kayla up from school - seeing her happy face and her arms wide open as she runs up to me saying "mommy!" then wraps her arms around my legs

- Hot chocolate with whip cream

- Watching Lucas play peek-a-boo with Kayla

- Being able to read a good book

Do you have any cool websites you'd like to share?

http://www.starfall.com - Kayla loves that site and it really helped her learn her alphabet and letter sounds.

http://www.signingtime.com - These DVDs are wonderful for learning ASL; it really helped bridge the communication gap until Kayla started speaking.

http://www.disabilityisnatural.com - How can you not like a website that promotes disability as being natural!

http://users.psln.com/sharing/Michael/ - Michael Jurogue Johnson is an amazingly talented artist, who just happens to have Down syndrome. Two national Down syndrome organizations are: http://www.ndsccenter.org (National Down Syndrome Congress) and http://www.ndss.org (National Down Syndrome Society).

((yes I was given permission to post these photos))