They say fresh air is good for the soul. "Get outside" I heard a little voice tell me. "Go get some air and sun" says that same little voice, urging me to just go. Soon, all too soon the ground won't be so nicely asphalted but covered in snow. I heeded the voice today, bundled the boy and went for a walk to take in the sunshine, the fresh air and to clear my head and my heart.I remember changing blogs back in the spring for fear folks I knew in real life would find it. I tried to stay chipper, and happy and positive. I could only go so far with the cheeriness and the brave face. I didn't want to bring anyone down with my sob stories. I didn't want to appear like I'm looking for pity or sympathy. I still don't.
One of the answers to what makes me happy lies in a little boys smile. With a smile like that how can I stay sad for long? I did something to put that smile on his face. It took a lot of courage for me to climb back up those spiralling stairs today, haul out that big red stroller and walk him down the street so he can swing maybe one last time this year.
The courage to say I don't need mean people in my life.
The courage to look sadness in the eye and say go away for now
I'm going outside to enjoy the fall air with my son.
The courage to face another day.
8 comments:
Glad some fresh air helped. That is a pretty irresistible smile...
Laura, you are worth so much more than your brother's verbal abuse. So much. You have a lot of goodness inside you, and good people will see and respond to that; and you DESERVE to have good friends in your life who treat you well.
Are there single parent groups in your area? Something like Parents Without Partners? Or for parents of kids with special needs? Knitting clubs? Cooking classes? Book groups?
I know you have logistical challenges with getting involved in something like that and I know your ex is not the most reliable when it comes to taking care of him; but I also know that good people who get to know you will care about you as much as we do. Because you are a good person. You don't deserve to have people in your life who treat you badly.
Your right that smile would make anyone smile back!
Laura you do matter you are a wonderful person, surely you know that, you matter a great deal to that sweet little boy.
If its your brother sending you negative vibes,try talking to him in private, if that's impossible write him a letter you know only he will read and explain your heart hurts.
You deserve better Laura,Andrea is right to suggest Parents Without Partners,or a support group for parents with kids with special needs I am sure they can get you in touch with someone you can talk to, I think you need to unburden your heart.It will do you good to talk it out.
Laura if all that dosen't work out go talk to your doctor he will suggest something for you of that I am positive.You need some help and it might be professional help you need, I don't know honey I just know you need to talk to someone soon.Please..
Diane
Stay away from the mean people.
I know what its like to not have anyone around to suport you. My family and friends are so far away. We have decided having a house of our own is not worth the distance from the people who can suport and help us. We are thinking it is time to go back home.
I know email is not the same but if you need someone to vent to, I am always around.
bdmwcasey@aol.com
I always say "It's better to have no father than to have an abusive father" This saying can go with friends as well!
I am just sad right now because I care so very much about you and it hurts my heart to read this. I only wish we lived closer. I have never once considered you a person that is seeking pity. You have always been very supportive for me. You have alot on your plate my friend and being a single parent has to be the most challenging job ever. Venting is healthy! I am here always. Not having anyone IRL that is supportive must be so hard! (((HUGS!)))
Aaron has the greatest smile.
Hugs to you both.
Making the decision that you deserve more (which you do) and that it's time to let go of those who insist you don't (which it is) is one of the hardest decisions anyone can ever have to make. Good for you.
Aaron's smile speaks of his love for you. Try to focus on this. Why should you worry about failing the image people have of you? You should be who you are. (I understand though, for what it's worth).
I'm glad you called the clinic. Others have made good suggestions too - but I know it's a lot easier to say than do.
Hang in there. Do what you need to do to preserve yourself.
Love,
K2/PPG
what a beautiful picture of Aaron - pure joy on that face! Lovely smile! and yes, all because his mom put it there!
I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from those you should be able to go!
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