I have a really difficult time with my image no matter what form it takes. I am very uncomfortable with photos of myself. I work hard to overcome this self-hatred who my outside appearance. There's a game my nieces and I love to play: Photographer. We look for locations around and one directs me where to go and the other niece takes the photos. Between the 3 of us we took at least 100 photos in this one outing we had today.
It takes me a while to chose which pictures I like the best. It's hard for me to get past the exterior and see the beautiful person I am within.
It takes me a while to chose which pictures I like the best. It's hard for me to get past the exterior and see the beautiful person I am within.
As I was coming down the stairs my flip flops were a little slippery and I fell and slid a few stairs.
My niece lovingly captured this on camera. Nice.
When these 2 girls come over my 12 year old inner girl comes out and sometimes she lets loose and has fun and enjoys the moment. I love these moments because it defines who I am.
I had a therapy appointment this week and I discussed with the therapist my feelings I was having lately. They're not new feelings but every once in a while they are stronger at times than others. After the therapist left I pondered with the thoughts that I was left with. The message I learned was that I was too busy feeding my body and not my soul. My soul is hungry for more than what I'm giving her. Instead I'm keeping her locked in the house and she needs to get out and enjoy the world. Poor thing. I need to learn to let go the negativity in my head. That my body is only a vessel that houses who I am. I don't talk religion very much on my blog because first of all I'm not a very religious person although I read something that resonated with me this week.
Two quotes from the Dalai Lama: 1~My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
2~Our prime purpose in life is to help others. And if you can't help them don't hurt them.
I live by these two principales with all my heart.
Anyone can be kind no matter what they look like because it far outshines any percieved imperfections they may have. All my life I've tried very hard to be kind to make up for my lack of beauty. I'm trying too hard to find beauty that already exists if I just look close enough.
I see it in this photo taken by my neice today.
5 comments:
I love this post Laura :) you are looking beautiful and much happier, but you sound more settled also.
My inner girl comes out with my best friend's daughters, 11 &9. My boys sometimes get jealous but its girl time, they don't get it :)
xoxo melzie
Love the last two pictures! You look FUN to be with! I bet the girls love hanging out with you!I hate all pictures of me too....but the funny thing is,if you look at pictures of yourself taken say,10 years ago(in which you criticized your weight,hair,etc. at the time)NOW you think: dang-I looked pretty good! LOL
Yep, I love that last photo of you in your sassy pose with the sunglasses! And I love your hair -- it's so beautiful and dark. :)
There is nothing wrong with your exterior, Laura. Sometimes I'd really like to punch your mother in the nose, you know?
and then there's the interior, a sweet girl who is clever, kind and generous, and a great mom. And who is tough and resilient and getting to be a better writer and quilter all the time.
You don't need to be kind to "make up for your lack of beauty." But you are kind, and lovely.
You still hurt me and my daughter.
I don't think what you did was right.
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