commencing

(12 years old)

Thank you so very, very much for the words of encouragement. I relish in the wise words of you who cherish, appreciate and deem my writing worthy of reading.


I changed my blog for more reasons than one. I wanted the ability to be able to write about me and my feelings. It's not about my past and who messed me up. It's about figuring how to clean up the mess in my head. If I can write it here and dump out the mental garbage into words then it won't be cluttering my mind and bring me down. I went to bed last night with a quote in my head: "Be the change you want to be"~Ghandi. That's it I told myself! I need to take action and change the way my mind thinks. I need to purge the negative tapes that repeat themselves in my head telling me I'm just not good enough. Who the heck is that voice in my head that has the authority to do so? I banish that voice tothe time out chair forever!

In order to see the change I want to be I have to take action. So I got up off my chair yesterday and tackled a cluttered mess that had been bothering me for months. You can see the work I did here. When I'm feeling overwhelmed it's time to simplify. Tomorrow I'm tackling the toys!


I was an awkward teenager and I have to say those years were the hardest years of my life. I'm no way near the desperation I felt back then. Thankfully as a grown up I have the ability to make my own choices. To be around people who love and support me. What I need to learn is how to support myself emotionally. To be the best darn support system there is on this planet for me. I read somewhere that there is no one on this earth that will know me more than myself. So I sit and wonder why do sit and wallow in self pity? Why do I chose to weep the wounds of the little girl inside? Because now she can weep and she doesn't have to hide. Because deep down inside I care for her deeply.
Today I forced myself to get up and face the day with a new perspective. To gain the courage to go out there in public and just live without caring what anyone else thinks. I love sharing my life with others. I'm an extrovert and I flourish in the company of others. When I'm left alone too long I wilt. I need to learn to water my own self and not depend on others to water me.
I brought with me a book to read and my journal to write my thoughts in while I had a breakfast of a blueberry bagel and hot chocolate. It was a beautiful sunny day and I enjoyed the walk there and back. As I walked out I decided to bring a treat to my favorite person who lives next door. Nothing makes me more happy than doing something nice for someone else. It worked because there was a spring in my step as I left the coffee shop. The time for changed has commenced.

Last week when I walked by the thrift store (the one with the exorbatant in prices) I spotted a cute rocking chair outside the shop. I walked in and asked them how much they were asking. 50$ replies the owner. Too much for my thrifty self. So I went on my way. I could not get that rocking chair out of my head. I'd saw it several times outside on a sunny day in front of the shop. Today on my walk back home I decided to stop in and offer 35$ for it. My offer was approved. I put a down payment of 5 dollars and will go back on Friday to pay the rest and pick it up.

I just adore it! I envision myself on beautiful sunny days or evenings doing some hand sewing in this rocking chair or reading a book. I want to make a pad for the back and a little cushion for comfort. I can't wait until she's on my porch and I'm sitting in her. She will wrap me with the comfort I need.