independent

I have a knack for whatever it is I set out to do. For as long as I can remember if I wanted to do something I did it. I'm the little girl who took apart calculators to figure out how they worked. I'm the little girl who loved to use her dad's tools and who snuck them into her room when he wasn't looking. Oh how I loved tools and still do.
Never has that love of doing something for myself been more apparent than in the last 3 years. Since being bonafide single many years ago I don't have the liberty of making a honey-do-list. I do everything on my own. I have become the most self-sufficient person I know. Oh how I love my self-sufficiency! There is no need for me to wait around for anyone to do something I get a will and a whim and I just do it!
However the downside to this is that I lack the ability to ask for help if I actually need it. Which is very rare! Unless it's something I don't know how to do I'll ask something to help me with it. Like tune up a bike or bring heavy things to the shed or tote large boxes to the thrift store that I don't need anymore. Thankfully there are folks I can count on who will help if I so feel inclined to ask.
Although I am very independent when it comes to how I chose to live my life and my personal space....on the other hand I am quite co-dependent on others, mostly them cute little tiny kids that happen show their faces at my door at the most inoppurtune time-like when I need a break!!
I learned about co-dependency after leaving Aaron's father over 6 years ago. Co-dependents can have many types of co-dep relationships. I realized lately in the last 6 months that I'm co-dep to the little people. I need them to fill some tiny little something that is missing deep inside me. Take for instance Friday night. I could have let them go on their merry way and not opened my door. But a little teeny tiny something inside had a fear they'd never come back. So I opened my door to their bright and delightedly happy faces.
I need to learn to shake this feeling that they won't not like me if I say please stay home. I need to learn that they are not my responsibility and I can't save them from the messed up childhood they are having. I need to learn they love me the person, the aunt, the woman who loves them unconditionally and it's okay to say no. Actually it's better to say no on my part for them to learn that people have boundaries. Or else they'll turn out like me and can't live without being surrounded by people.
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Those are my tomato plants up there that I transplanted this weekend. I am quite surprised they survived the transplanting unscathed. I could have sworn they'd pout and droop and be mad at me and to spite me just die. Then again I was born knowing how to do things and learned how to do what I can and doing it well. They can't go outside for another month.
The ones on the windowsill are going to some special people. I also made a tub for Aaron's grandma, my ex-mother-in-law, because I'm sweet and nice and kind.
*smile*