I want to start a new feature called SPF. No it has nothing to do with sunscreen, but please do wear some because that is important you know. SPF is an acronym for Self Portrait Friday.
My first SPF is has been in my head for a very long time. I've wanted to do an artistic photo of me showing a different side other than my face. I wanted to share a photo as to why deep down inside I have such a bad body-image.
For new readers I was born with scoliosis-a curvature of the spine. As a child I had many operations to control the amount of curving would develop to prevent other medical issues.
As a child my back was a VERY sensitive thing. No one could touch it and I shied away from anyone trying to touch me. Anyone's touch felt like hot coals. I had very low self esteem and didn't want anyone touching me for fear that they'd be grossed out by this "hideous" deformity. It took me a LONG time to accept this a part of my body and I cannot change it. I'm still working on the acceptance part. I'm working on that people actually see ME and not the deformity. I grew up feeling deformed and therefore less than human. It's only in my 30's that I realized I am a woman and I do have curves!
I love clothes. I love to buy clothes, alter clothes and make clothes yet each one is very difficult with a body shape like this. For the longest time I dressed extra large to hide whatever shape I had. I swear I wore tents during my twenties. Now I dress the best way I can. If I'm happy wearing something I wear it, sometimes even if it makes me feel a little self concious. I do it anyway because I'm wearing clothes for me and not everyone else.
As I was going through the photo shoot and taking at least 20 pictures I felt my excitement building. I wasn't repulsed by my photos. I was actually giddy with happiness that I took a beautiful photo.
I know I have arrived when I can say I'm beautiful front and back.
My first SPF is has been in my head for a very long time. I've wanted to do an artistic photo of me showing a different side other than my face. I wanted to share a photo as to why deep down inside I have such a bad body-image.
For new readers I was born with scoliosis-a curvature of the spine. As a child I had many operations to control the amount of curving would develop to prevent other medical issues.
As a child my back was a VERY sensitive thing. No one could touch it and I shied away from anyone trying to touch me. Anyone's touch felt like hot coals. I had very low self esteem and didn't want anyone touching me for fear that they'd be grossed out by this "hideous" deformity. It took me a LONG time to accept this a part of my body and I cannot change it. I'm still working on the acceptance part. I'm working on that people actually see ME and not the deformity. I grew up feeling deformed and therefore less than human. It's only in my 30's that I realized I am a woman and I do have curves!
I love clothes. I love to buy clothes, alter clothes and make clothes yet each one is very difficult with a body shape like this. For the longest time I dressed extra large to hide whatever shape I had. I swear I wore tents during my twenties. Now I dress the best way I can. If I'm happy wearing something I wear it, sometimes even if it makes me feel a little self concious. I do it anyway because I'm wearing clothes for me and not everyone else.
As I was going through the photo shoot and taking at least 20 pictures I felt my excitement building. I wasn't repulsed by my photos. I was actually giddy with happiness that I took a beautiful photo.
I know I have arrived when I can say I'm beautiful front and back.
14 comments:
Love you LauraJay ~ You are indedd Beautiful in so many ways :0)
oh, i used to wear extra large to hide my skininess:)
I think Laura, in our teens its just hard to accept ourselves as we are, and when we grow into women, at 30 40 or whenever, we seek deeper inside... also, many shapes of women atract many shapes of people...
you are truly beautiful inside and out!
much love from across the ocean!
Laura I can't even tell that you have scoliosis... and the photo is SO beautiful!
I wish I were brave enough!
The photo is beautiful, indeed, and not just because you are beautiful (though you are). The contrast between the inky background and the milky texture of your skin and the glossy dark texture of your hair is lovely. I'd love to see this photo repeated with a simple white/light drape around your waist instead of the plaid shorts. This is art, Laura. And I can't wait to see the next photos in the series.
bravo!!! i applaud you laurajay. i couldnt do it. this is a lovely photo of you and a lovely photo in itself. i will be checking on your self portrait friday and maybe, just maybe i will join you at some point. i feel like you are really embracing you! i am tagging you for a meme. check out my blog for details.
Hey gorgeous! You are beautiful inside and out!! Love what you're SPF and I hope you see the beautiful woman that we all see! Big weekend hugs and love, T
should have read "Love what your doing on Fridays with your SPF!" It's early and I'm a dork YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
What a beautiful self-portrait. Gorgeous. I love this idea.
What a great self-portrait. And I love how honest your post is. Must be cathartic and healing for you.
oh Laura I'm so glad you decided to be brave and share with us your journey to acceptance! There is something so beautiful and stunning about this photo and how it turned out! Lovely my dear!
It is a lovely photo, Laura. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Thanks for sharing your personal story. I think what's hard is the assumption the we outgrow these feelings as we get older. It takes work to overcome the internal damage! We either face it or bury it deeper and inflict damage in some way on others.
You portrait is beautiful :)
I am just now seeing this and I think that you are beautiful- the thing about "knowing" you through your words and images at Flickr is that I feel I "know YOU" from the inside out and really never have an idea of you in my head- like what you look like. So, you see, I have loved you sight unseen for so long that to now see you, as you are is sort of inconsequential. I know you may not believe that- it's like, I have a brown mole on my lip and it never ever bothered me until I worked at a Dermatologists office and a lady came in to have her moles removed and she pointed to my lip and asked me- why don't you get that taken off? doesn't it bother you? and I said, no, I've had it all my life. It started out as a flat brown spot and my Dad has them, as do millions of people and I felt sad for her because she couldn't accept herself, or love herself with what she thought were blemishes on her beauty.
Beauty is only skin deep.
I think inside yourself is a gorgeously wonderful woman who is just beginning to Blossom.
It isn't always easy for any of us to love ourselves.
I am so proud of you.
Be Brave.
Have Courage.
Hold your face to the sun and be proud of who you are and all that you give.
You rock, sistah.
love you, sight unseen.
kim
Your post and the comments have brought me to tears!! You are my brave strong beautiful friend, inside and out!
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