Gorillabuns
Remembermaddie
My biggest fear is their reality. I won't fret today rememebering an event that changed our lives 6 years ago. I'm not mourning my boy, he's still home and safe with me and I can hear him now singing in his room during "musictime". I won't be sad for me or Aaron today.
I'm sad for the childless mothers who don't have their little ones to hug.
In the past year I've been consumed with thoughts of Aaron passing. He's as healthy as he can be for a chronically ill child. Yet whenever he falls ill like I did in February and again this past weekend it puts a knot of fear in the pit of my stomach. I always wonder will he make it through this illness? I've told myself in my heart I have a feeling I will outlive Aaron. However I just don't know when. I'm not worried so much about him passing but what I'm most consumed with is what do I do after? What then? It makes me feel awful to even have these little conversations with myself knowing he's still here. So lately I've been thinking of coming up with a plan. A secret just in case plan of what to do in the worse case scenario. I want to rest easy knowing there's a plan. As the months pass I will be putting this plan into action. It involves acquiring life insurance policies for both of us. As well as a will. Heaven forbid that I should pass before Aaron and then what happens to him?! I want to share these thoughts because sometimes it's hard to keep things inside. I'm not sure if they are normal but they are my reality.
Go hug your little and big ones today.
6 comments:
Your thoughts are totally normal for your situation.
I'm actually more afraid of dying before Gwen does. It would be awful to lose her but I would be very grateful that I was there for her entire life.
It makes sense that you'd think of the future, and I think being realistic hurts but will prevent future events from blindsiding you.
A will is a really good idea, as is a living will. I wonder how specific you can be about who may care for Aaron - for example, whether you could specify that his guardian must care for him at home, as opposed to placing him in a facility.
Well, I think each person's reality is each person's normal. It's always good to think ahead even a little, and to have a plan. I think you are doing a good thing, a just-in-case plan as you said. We should all be so prepared, and yet we still all hope for the absolute best. Hugs.
Here's hoping that by having a plan, you won't need your plan. Do you follow? ;)
I was so sad to read those links :( . I am praying for those families...
And I too agree in having a plan...as morbid as it may seem, having a deployed husband puts many things in perspective. I do worry about death often, more than I care to admit...and not necessarily for me, but for my kids.
(hugs), I admire your strength LauraJay!
I didn't know you then - I'm glad you wrote this as I have a much better understanding now.
((Hugs)) You're such a brave, strong, smart woman. A plan is an excellent idea. I would do the same thing.
I will hope and pray that you won't need the plan for a very long time.
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