He's a 10 year old boy with mutliple disabilities phyiscal as well as intellectual. He's a happy boy. A very happy boy.
Isn't that all a person really needs to know?
Remember yesterdays bug? Yeah. My child's disabilities has something to do with that bug. I'm bitter, angry and full of self-pity these days. I question my life and often wonder why I can't be like "normal" people when it comes to the holidays. Families who share traditions as simple as advent callendars. Aaron doesn't "get it", again, this year. Another year has gone by and still he's not any closer to getting it. It breaks my heart and tears are spilling over as I type this. It hurts. All I want is to recreate for him the Christmases of my childhood.
To be realistic in order for me to do that I'd have to be married and live with his father and we'd have to have 5 more children. (Ha! I'm barely sane with the one I've got, I could not imagine 5 more!) I expect too much from Christmas, from myself and from Aaron.
I want to buy him everything under the sun, moon, and stars to make him happy. I'm not made of money and that's not what he needs. I think instead of defining Aaron I need to redefine what Christmas is to US. Not to everyone else, not the Christmas of my past, but the Christmas of today.
Christmas is simple. Mama decorates while Aaron is away with papa. Mama bakes presents while Aaron is at school for his teacher and all the teacher assistants who help make his school experience wonderful. Aaron's Mama sews beautiful presents for the people in their lives that make love Aaron and his Mama.
Aaron may have disabilities but he matters regardless if Christmas means anything to him or not. Mama must remember that a simple Christmas is just has good as an extravant Christmas. It's all in the heart.
10 comments:
Beautifully said, LauraJ. Thanks for sharing
You are such a trooper. Don't feel bad about having issues. You deserve to have your issues. I'd think you were nuts if you felt perfect happy happy all the time.
This is the first year my daughter has any clue what is going on and even that is pretty basic, she now knows what to call the pretties (sort of) and that presents are coming (well she thinks only two for some reason),and something about a baby (Jesus or her dead brother, she's not so sure), even though she attends Catholic school. She's 6.
You are so right in redefining Christmas, because sweetie, it is different. Even if Aaron was not as special as he is, you would have to redefine, because you are you and not YOUR mother. Dump what doesn't help, ad keep the rest.
Hugs
It's OK to feel bad or even burdened. You have a lot to deal with. You have to make Christmas--or anything--what works for you and Aaron. It's hard, so hard, but you can do this. I think it's very brave of you to write your feelings out here. Thank you for sharing.
I too think it's so brave to share your feelings here. Personaly, I think the simplest Christmas is the better. I have never been a fan of the overly commercial Christmas and the crazyness of everyone running around.
Laura your comment part is set to no-reply. My e-mail is carad at rogers.com
You have a way with words and your post is so heart felt.
Laura Christmas is what you make of it, even if you lived alone you would find a way of making it special.
Just because Aaron does not get it, you do,make it special in your own way for you because your special Laura and so worth what ever you do.
Aaron will always tag along for the ride.
Your such a strong talented person you do amaize me.
I for one hate the commercial hoopla of it all,as long as I have my family around me that's all I care about.
Do what ever makes YOU happy Laura, and Aaron will be happy too!!
Diane
Gwen didn't get Christmas either. So we took her to the mall where she loved all the people, the lights and the music. We carted her to every party or event we could get to because she was always up for going somewhere and socializing. At family dinners, her wheelchair was pulled up to the table and she was passed around to sit in laps afterward. Gifts meant nothing to Gwen, but interaction with others did.
Try making time to do something Aaron enjoys. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Seeing him happy will make you happy too. Give him (and youself) a big hug from me too!
Hi Laura. . .Christmas is different things to different people~make Christmas your way with Aaron. I, too have an autistic son and it is hard, and you do cry, and become frustrated, and wish to everything that your child could be "mainsstream". But you just have to keep on moving ahead, loving him for who he is because in there somewhere he does get it, and someday it may surface and what a joyous step he'll have taken. As far as the big family, we have 4 other children and there are times I miss basketball games, volleyball tournaments and football games for Colby's physical therapy or IEP. . .that's not easy either. Aaron loves you and the best Christmas gift of all is to love him with all that you are. Merry Christmas Laura.
Sounds like you've gotten some pretty good advice here, Laura, and I think it's all so true. You have to make your life the best you can, for you as well as Aaron, no matter what the day or holiday. Sure, you will get down in the dumps....that's to be expected, but don't beat yourself up for it. Pick yourself up and go on, and day by day you will notice small improvements and those, if nothing else, should be your insights as to what a great pair you and Aaron really make!!
I know I'm late on commenting, but just wanted to let you know I understood a lot of what you were venting in this post. There are a lot of things I feel sad about that Kayla doesn't quite 'get' either. Like asking her what she wanted for Christmas, she might say presents, but when you get more specific she doesn't really know how to answer, or to realize she can 'want' things.
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